breathing slowly and deeply

We’ve just found out that the offer and acceptance we put in a month ago for a two-bedroom unit has been approved for finance.  This means that in about four weeks, we’ll be the proud owners of another renovator’s delight.  I’m both excited and very nervous.  Our current reno is going over time and over budget, just as all good renovations do.  My fear is that we’ll still be renovating the current one when we acquire the newest one.

I know that the stress is getting to me.  My sleep has been all over the place – I wake up every night between 1am and 3am, and am awake for up to three hours.  Also, I’m clenching my teeth in my sleep.  I’m also getting the sickish feeling in my stomach.  At this point, I’m just trying to remember to breathe deeply and think positively.  I was driving to Bunnings today (where the staff now know me by name) and found I was repeating to myself, ‘I am strong and able to handle this….. I am strong and able to handle this…. ‘.  I just hope it’s true.

I’m also trying to keep a watchful eye on my mental health at the moment.  I don’t want to fall off the deep end, with everything that’s happening.  My psychiatrist has also said that some people reach a good level of drug dosage on Lexapro, then after being on it for a while, it seems to just lose a bit of effectiveness.  He said an increase of even 5mg can right things, and has given me the go-ahead to increase my dose if I notice this happening.  I just want to be sure that if I do increase my dose, it’s for the right reasons, not because of temporary stress which will pass.  The difficulty is knowing the difference.

On the topic of depression, earlier this week a friend of ours sent us a couple of books by Matthew Johnstone.  His book, I Had a Black Dog, is a pictorial depiction of what it’s like to live with depression.  It describes exactly what it’s like.  I’ve not come across anything before which outlines the effect depression has on your life – on relationships, your view of the world, and the numbness you feel.  This book captures it perfectly.  I strongly recommend it for people who suffer from depression.  He and his wife have also written a companion book which is specifically aimed at anyone who’s in a relationship with someone who is depressed.  Both books are well worth reading.  (And no, I’m not getting paid to write this!!)

I do have more to say, but it’s getting late and, well, I need my sleep.  Night!