more shit, same day

Well, after my last post, I actually did manage to do two things today.  I pruned our single rose bush, and I started weeding the garden bed it resides in.

We’re really not gardeners.  This was brought home to me by a couple of things.  One was the fact that when I started weeding, I actually didn’t have to bend down too far to pull the bigger weeds out of the ground.  They were larger than most of the ‘real’ plants.

The second was when I started work on the ground-level weeds.  Basically, they had proliferated so thickly that I was just pulling up huge chunks of the top layer of soil.  I ended up skimming the top level of soil off just in order to get the weeds and their roots out.

Anyhow, after an hour, I’d pruned the rose and cleared two areas (which totalled about a square metre) of weeds.  Go me!  There’s still a lot of weeding to do, but at least the rose is sorted out.  Last year, I was so bad with my depression that SO’s stepmum came around and did it for me.  I’m glad I managed to get to it myself this year.  Small steps.

same shit, different day

Ugh.  Hello, depression relapse.

Unfortunately, work has brought on a downwards spiral.  It turns out that my previous manager, who’s on leave, will still effectively be managing me from home.  I had a number of documents reworked to the effect that stuff was rearranged, but no real value was added.  It has the effect of making me feel like a worthless piece of shit.  I know intellectually that’s not true, but try telling my fucked-up brain that.  ‘Knowing’ and ‘believing’ are two different things.

Anyhow, the good thing is it’s reinforced the fact my decision to job-hunt was the correct one.  I should really trust my gut instincts more.  Now all I have to do is find a new job, and I’ll be set.  Wish me luck.

On a happier note, SO’s birthday last Saturday went well.  He loved his presents, and he was thoroughly spoiled by everyone, except his mother’s side of the family, who ignored him.  I love him so much and it hurts me when people treat him badly.  He deserves so much better.

Anyhow, I’m off to stare vacantly at the walls for another few hours.  Good times.