depression: things I miss
August 30, 2008
SO and I went out to dinner with my closest friend L and her husband M last night. They’re over from Canberra for the weekend. Seeing L after such a long time reminded me of how different I am, and my life is, since I’ve been depressed. So, I thought I’d cheer myself up and do a list of all the things I miss from my pre-mentalist (to borrow an expression from mentallyinteresting.com) days.
1. I miss feeling invincible. Now when I get up in the morning, it’s like there’s a question mark over everything. Will this be a good day? Will I cope well? Badly? Not at all?
2. I miss having a sex drive. And so does SO, I’m guessing.
3. I miss being effortlessly good at my job. With the depression, I have good and bad days. But even on my good days, I don’t function as well at work as I used to.
4. I miss having the energy to do stuff. Even though I’ve always loved my sleep, I still was able to power through a working week, then spend all weekend running around doing stuff. No longer.
5. I miss seeing my friends. I’ve really become reclusive since my mental health went downhill. My friends have been wonderful, but there’s only so much contact you can have with somebody who doesn’t go out, won’t respond to emails, doesn’t pick up the phone, etc, etc.
Ugh. I think I’ve managed to further depress myself. But I really wanted to make a list of the stuff I miss, because it is important to me, and if I can’t vent here, where the fuck can I?
August 31, 2008 at 4:11 am
It’s an important list. Maybe it’d be less depressing if you thought of them as goals? Not that you can necessarily ‘fix’ some of them really, at least not quickly or anything but more just as points to include in your idea of what recovery would look like. I’ve thought about that and I know for me having those sorts of ideas/hopes in mind does help me have a bit more direction and motivation.