family dramas: mother

Ah, the joys of family. Let’s face it, if you don’t have family issues, then you’re not human. I’ve been out of contact with my mother for a while now, probably about three or four months.  This was precipitated by a nasty email she sent me, telling me what a horrible selfish daughter I am.  I decided that it wouldn’t hurt me to take a little break for a bit from her unique brand of crazy, so I did so.  And to be honest, it’s been great. Sad, isn’t it.

I love my mother. However, she can be incredibly hurtful. I received an email from her last night, which had attached a string of communication between her and my aunt, my mother’s sister. They’ve always had a rocky relationship. I suspect it’s because they had a difficult childhood (my grandfather was a nasty alcoholic). It probably wasn’t helped by my aunt’s long-undiagnosed bipolar II. She’s on meds for it now which work well, but she had a few tough decades, where she suffered at the mercy of the mental health system. I’m talking everything from being advised to take LSD (yes, by a qualified doctor – hey, it was the 70s!) to being addicted to various prescription drugs.

She did come back from the brink, and is now a nurse, with a specialisation in mental health. She pays her bills, takes her meds, and is generally an upstanding member of society (with a slight alcohol problem, but no one’s perfect). My mother, however, continues to view her as somewhat Looney Toons.

Anyhow, they’d been arguing about my grandmother’s health care.  In an email to my aunt, Mother says, ‘Now grow up for goodness’ sakes – you are becoming rather pathetic!’ Not designed to engender good relations, one might think.  Amazingly, my aunt replied politely (gritting her teeth, no doubt) and didn’t take the bait.  Aunty did however point out an inaccuracy of Mum’s, which Mother obviously didn’t like, and so responded as follows: ‘I don’t know how you hold down a nursing job <Aunt’s Name> you are a complete nutcase!’

And she wonders why she doesn’t get along with her sister.

What do you do with an immediate family member who thinks it’s okay to treat people like this? This is one example of behaviour which has happened over and over again throughout my lifetime – to me, to her siblings, to Dad’s siblings.  She doesn’t pull it with her friends – she’s not that stupid.  The thought of continuing to deal with this crap until she (or I) dies is not fun.  And yet – and yet.  I do love her. Even though she is distinctly unlovable at times.

Sigh. I think this is one of those unsolvable situations.

tagged

This is what happens with me – I tend to wander around oblivious to what’s happening.  I glanced at incoming links on my dashboard today, and realised that Dark Sarcasm has tagged me to complete the following mission, should I choose to accept it:

Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences. The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!

Luckily for you, dear readers, the closest book to me is The Lady and the Unicorn, by Tracy Chevalier, who’s also the author of Girl with a Pearl Earring.  (The second closest book is actually a tax guide to depreciating assets for the 2007-2008 financial year.)  So, to my task:

I repeated the words I had used the other morning, staring at the scratched pew in front of us. ‘It is my one desire to join the convent at Chelles,’ I said. ‘Mon seul desir. My grandmother joined before she died, and my mother is sure to as well.’

I can recommend it – it’s a great book, with cleverly interweaving plots, and characters which are three-dimensional in the traits they possess.  Definitely worth a read.

Okay, so now I’m tagging Catatonic Kid, Freedomgirl, and TitaniumRose. I’m not playing properly, I know, by only tagging three people, but all the others who I’d normally nominate have already been tagged.  Sorry folks.