any help is much appreciated
December 16, 2008
I love my job. And at times, I hate it.
I love being able to help people. I seem to have a strong natural ability to read people. I can tell if they’re lying, genuine, hiding something, if there’s more to the story. I can feel compassion for just about anybody. I also know that there’s no black and white, only shades of grey. This makes it easy to help sort out interpersonal issues, which is my job.
On the other hand, I’m an introvert. (For those of you who are familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I’m an INFJ - another reference is here). I love listening to, and helping people, but it exhausts me. It’s a paradox.
Today I spent all day listening to people, all of whom had problems of varying magnitudes. When I’m listening, I am an active listener. I ask questions, I watch body language, I seek out details that the person may have glossed over accidentally or intentionally, I take notes. I don’t notice it at the time, but afterwards, I feel like a light bulb that’s been producing huge amounts of light and heat, which has been switched off. I feel drained, and my brain is normally teeming with the different issues raised, and the best way to approach them.
So yes, I spent pretty much all of today doing this. I’m tired. I can see how people can burn out from this kind of job. I’m just not sure at this point, how to prevent this huge energy drain that happens. If you know of any resources which address this, I’d really appreciate a head’s up.
December 16, 2008 at 6:18 pm
I can relate – I’m in a similar job and some days it’s wonderful, some days it’s devastating, but either way I find it tiring. I need a great deal of me-time to compensate. I also have lovely colleagues and I think we’re pretty good at supporting each other. I’m not sure about preventative measures though.
take care x
January 6, 2009 at 10:23 pm
I know this is WAY late… my apologies to you tdd.
My apologies also for a long reply too – I hope it’s not too much along the lines of teaching you to suck eggs – if so my apologies… delete this post and all’s good!
I know the feeling… I too spend much of my time applying myself to others and the lives they lead, the needs they have, and the world they live in. It’s exhausting – like you, it’s something I enjoy doing, and that I’m good at – when I’m firing well and cleanly.
I’ve worked the broad gambit of people stuff and now I’m lucky enough to be working for an organisation that supports visual artists in their pursuit of their art. It’s a big change – but all the same people skills apply… people need to feel their being listened too, and they need to feel like they’ve been heard (if that makes sense dd).
So do we… we spend our entire time connecting with people and it takes time and energy – doing this well and in a healthy way is very hard to do, as I’ve yet to find a resource that helps you achieve a personal balance in this game… it’s simply not that easy – we’re all such different people and have such varied needs.
The only really useful answer I can give is NEVER under estimate the need for good, quality supervision. The key in managing yourself and the way in which you apply yourself in your workspace (and with your clients) is to be sure your being well supervised. Not just in a boss / employee way – although this IS part of it too – but in a way that helps keep you to your role (what you’re actually employed to do), and supports you as an individual, who has needs too – both professionally, and personally.
A good supervisor is continually monitoring their ’supervisees’, almost without seeming to do so. If you do not have good supervision – then you have no-one there to ‘have your back’ so to speak. If you work in the Social Work, Youth Work, Psychologist worlds – then supervision should be part and parcel of what you do in your day to day role. If it’s just weekly, fortnightly, or monthly team meetings – where all you report on is outcomes and threats – then this is not good supervision.
An example…? I was working on a fairly standard case with a young bloke at a school, who was experiencing some difficult times. ‘Dreams’ were filling his head – and as he discussed them – I felt this start to affect me too. I’d finally reached FULL inside myself… but I didn’t realise it. My supervisor on the other hand did – and had been monitoring me for quite some time, as my behaviour had changed in my workplace, leading her to supervise me all the more closely – and I didn’t even know it.
I believe it’s true… the more you connect with people – I mean REALLY connect with people – the more you give of yourself. The key is balance of course. This means you must come to terms with your workplace and it’s role, YOUR role in that workplace, the ability of your workplace to provide a quality ’supervisor’ appropriate to your role, and your actual ability to perform well in that role.
You can’t fire on all cylinders – well – all of the time. It’s physically impossible. We need regular maintenance too! Good supervision should help to remind you of this. If you – like me at that time – need help too, this is completely understandable – and your workplace should be supportive of this. As a ‘resource’ in your workplace, you should be valued… but the ‘help industry’ has a shocking history of being undervalued across Oz – and this is too often reflected in the workplace we work in… sadly, I see too many good people go down in similar circumstances as this. I guess we need to be sure we ’supervise’ ourselves as well. It’s far to easy to overextend yourself — lose the balance and fall completely on your face!!!
A clear understanding of our place in this whole business, and our actual abilities (our real abilities given anything in our lives that might impact upon us) is vital – and with good supervision, I’m hoping you’ll have a recipe for ‘recovery’ that at least gives you some space for yourself as well as all those people you connect with.
All the best dd – take care…