I’m really getting into the swing of this week off.  It’s the first time, in I can’t remember how long, when we haven’t had renos or travel on the agenda.  As a result, despite the inevitable Christmas shopping and calls from work, it has been very relaxing.  We tend to wake up around 8am, SO makes me a coffee, and we have something to eat.  I do a few housey things, maybe go shopping, then after lunch we have a nap together.  Then I usually crash for a few more hours while SO gets up and gets on the computer.  For dinner, we’ve been really naughty, and have been getting takeaway.  Tonight was pizza from the local pizza place, which is fantastic.

My brother came over last night.  He stayed for about an hour longer than he’d planned, as he was enjoying it so much, just kicking back and shooting the breeze with SO and me.  I gave him the pots and pans and silicone utensils, plus a couple of teatowels.  He was stoked, and favourably impressed with the utensils.  

It was funny, I was telling my brother last night about my stomach ulcer.  Anyhow, mid-morning today, my mum called, all worried.  The conversation went something like this:

Mum: Oh darling, A told me about your ulcer! I was so worried!

P: But I mentioned I had an ulcer on Saturday night, when we were all out at dinner together.

Mum:  You did, but I thought you meant a mouth ulcer!

I had a giggle over that.  Sure my pain threshold is pretty low, but it’s not quite that low.  Anyhow mum was concerned, but when I told her that the drugs were working really well and I feel fine now, she relaxed a bit.  She couldn’t talk for long but she did say that A was really happy with the cookware and utensils, so that was nice to hear.

I’ve been trying to get my blood test results from our local surgery.  I’ve been ringing up twice a day, just to be told ‘not in yet’.  Finally today the receptionist asked what the test was for, and I told her Helicobactor pylori.  Turns out they’re not usually ready for a whole week.  I guess at least I know now, right?

I managed to get a relatively early appointment with a doctor today at our local practice.  He wasn’t my normal, lovely GP, but the old guy they keep there to pick up the patient overflow.  By this stage, I didn’t care.  He seemed very perturbed that I thought I had an ulcer, and even more so when he found out I’d had one before.  After asking me a few questions,  he said, ‘Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll give you ulcer meds, if you get a blood test to confirm you actually do have Helicobactor pylori (the ulcer bug).’  Of course that was fine by me, so I agreed.  He was very concerned that I ‘appeared to have’ (his words) all the symptoms of an ulcer at my early age.  Apparently it’s incredibly rare to get ulcers in your 30s.  Who knew?!  Obviously not my gut, anyhow.

So I went along and got the blood test, and took the Somac (40mg) as soon as I got home.  I’ll find out for sure tomorrow whether I do actually have an ulcer or not.  The doctor did say that the meds he’d given me would only work for ulcers, and I already do feel much happier, so I’m really interested to see what the blood test shows. 

While I was out I also managed to pick up a cookware set and some silicone-covered utensils for my brother, A, who’s just bought his own place.  Of course, he doesn’t have a single thing, so he’s been the recipient (mainly from mum) of lots of stuff like sheets, towels, the whole bit.  I checked with him though and he didn’t have pots and pans, so I said I’d buy him a set.  They weren’t cheap, but they’re a reasonable brand (Wiltshire) plus they’re non-stick coated, which he wanted, so he should be happy with them.  The utensils are very cool, grey with apple-green accents.  I don’t know if A will like them, but I sure did.

SO and I are having a week off work.  We’re not really sure what we’ll be doing, but we know it won’t involve getting up at 6am.  Woohoo!

During the week we had tenants leave one of our units, and new ones move in.  As per usual, this involved us doing a fair amount of cleaning and various other things, like changing linen, etc.  Other than being tired, it all went fairly smoothly, and the tenants are happily moved in.  The lease is three months, with a possibility of a three-month extension.

What else has happened? SO and I went out to dinner with my mum and J, and my brother A last night.  A will be in Japan for Christmas so this was our little celebration.  We were at a very swish restaurant and J very kindly picked up the tab.  It was a really good night, and the best part was, we were home before 930pm, as we went to the early seating.  I suspect I’ve developed an ulcer, so I was pretty uncomfortable, but as it wasn’t too late a night it was okay.

Yes, I think I have a stomach ulcer.  The pain started on Friday morning and it’s been constant ever since.  I’m hoping I can get in to see the doctor tomorrow, as it’s really cramping my style, and I know that they can just give a course of antibiotics and it’ll be fine.  (I’ve had one before so I know the drill.)  The constant pain is making me very grumpy too, and it’s also preventing me from doing stuff, as it’s just so uncomfortable.  Still, it’s easily fixed.  I just need to see the quack.

SO and I get along extremely well.  But there is one area in which we tread a fine line, as do most couples – family interactions.  This is something that shifts and moves over time, constantly altering and changing.  Even after six years together, it’s something we still negotiate between ourselves.

The key issue is this: SO gets along extremely well with his dad, who is gorgeous.  His stepmum is also lovely, but it’s his dad that SO is connected with.  SO also doesn’t have many good or close friends, so his dad is also a mate.  As a result, they enjoy spending time together.  This is fine, and doesn’t worry me, except for one thing: SO won’t go and visit his dad, without me being present.  This gives me the shits.

I get along okay with my mum, but I certainly don’t regard her as a friend, and I don’t choose to spend time with her as such.  I’ll go and visit her, but I try to minimise my contact with her, as she’s incredibly draining to be with, and generally fairly demanding in a lot of different ways.  When I visit mum, I don’t take SO.  It’s easier that way,  both for me and for him, obviously.  Also, as she has a dog, SO’s allergies are set off as soon as he steps in her house, which of course makes him miserable.

So we tend to end up in a situation where we spend at least one night a week at SO’s dad’s house for dinner, while I see my mother alone about once a month.  While I’m fond of SO’s folks, once a week is overkill for me.  However, SO resents the fact that I am not prepared to spend my spare time with his folks.  He thinks it’s unreasonable.  At the same time, he avoids my family as much as humanly possible.

So yes, there is constant negotiation and movement around what is ‘reasonable’ in terms of family interaction.  It’s something we still haven’t clearly defined in a way that can be set in concrete, so to speak.  And of course, this time of year is bad for this stuff.  Not only is it Christmas, where we have obligations to both sides of the family, but it’s also my birthday at the end of the month.  This means everyone wants to see me on the same day, when usually by then I’m all peopled out.  I tend to dread it, for that reason.  It would be so much easier if my birthday was at a different time of year.

Oh well, I shouldn’t complain.  I’m lucky to have family that care about me, I realise that.  It’s just sometimes I’m so much happier by myself.  Alone definitely does not equal lonely.

What a change a few days can bring.  On Wednesday, I was feeling more crap than I had in over a year.  Today, I feel fairly normal.  I say ‘fairly’ because there was some knotted stomach stuff earlier today; but in terms of my capacity to think, and to do stuff, I’m about a thousand percent better.

Who knows.   Maybe prozac is the one.  I was saying to my work friend P yesterday that finding the right antidepressant is kind of like finding the right guy, but harder.  He agreed.  And as he added, sometimes it can appear to be the one, but over time you work out that it’s not.  Which sucks.

Still, I’m feeling heaps better.  It’s hard for me to believe that things can change in such a short period of time.

I also had a win today.  SO’s dad has recently been diagnosed as having coeliac (that is, he’s gluten intolerant).  As a result, his diet has radically changed.  It seems that most of the food available for coeliacs is pretty nasty tasting, and he’s been miserable.  His favourite recipe that I make is a date loaf, and I decided to try a gluten-free version today.  He came around this afternoon and we had a taste of it.  Well, it tastes great, and he was so appreciative, poor love.  And the changes were easy, too.  I’ll have to post the amended recipe at some stage. 

So yes, that was great, and it was so nice to see SO’s dad smile while he chowed down.  First time in a couple of months that it looked like he was enjoying eating something.

Another day where I didn’t accomplish much.  Did some more laundry (washing and ironing) and some dishes, and I made SO lunch, but that was about it.  Felt very crook this afternoon at around 4pm, so I crashed for a couple of hours.  Woke up and felt considerably better.

My little brother called me in the morning and asked if I could have a look at a property with him, to which I said yes (of course).  We went along and looked at a nice little three bedroom, two toilet stand alone unit in an inner-city suburb.  We both agreed that it looked good, and A’s decided he’ll put in an offer on it tomorrow.  Poor love, he’s a bit nervous about it, but I told him that I’d help him out and it’ll all be fine.  Hopefully, it will be.

Today was a public holiday, and we put it to good use.  SO and his dad did a fair bit of weeding in our front garden yesterday, so today we followed up by planting new plants (all free, courtesy of the in-laws’ prolific garden), throwing some wettasoil about the place, and fertilizing with sheep poo.  SO and his dad did most of the hard work, while I weeded the lawn and supervised.  SO’s stepmum was also there, giving advice and deadheading various plants that needed it.  After a busy day, the front garden now looks respectable, and hopefully our neighbours will start speaking to us again now that we’re not dragging down the suburb’s property values.

I also visited my mother this morning.  It was all a bit stressful as her fiance J was moving all his stuff in today, so there were family members all over the place helping out, as well as various boxes and furniture, and Mum was not happy.  I find it awfully tough dealing with her when she’s like that as she gets so shrill, it hurts my ears.  And my head.  The good news was, my brother was there, and the moving finished up shortly after I arrived, so we sat down and Mum finally started to calm down.  It took a while, though.  She runs on sheer nervous energy.  However she and my brother are both well (as is J) and it was good to see them.

I’m doing better on the drug switch today.  No nausea or visual disturbances, and I’m still feeling okay (ie. not sinking into the black hole of incapacity to move or think).  I’m also not too short-tempered, which is good.

 Back to work tomorrow.  I’m kind of looking forward to it, and kind of not.

Things are feeling more and more settled.  All of our units are tenanted (yay!) so we don’t even have to think about them.  Our house is slowly (very slowly) getting back to a habitable state.  For example, I have an oven!!  It’s not installed; it’s currently sitting on the floor in the family room.  But at least it’s in the house.  If I’m lucky, and play my cards right, SO may even install it sometime today.

The laundry situation is under control, the bathrooms have been cleaned, and the sheets on the bed are fresh.  The kitchen is also reasonably neat and tidy.  All in all, it’s starting to feel more like a home, and less like a dump we have to live in for protection from the elements.

There are other signs life is becoming more calm and regular, such as my increased interest in cooking.  I find that when I’m tired, stressed, and the place is a mess, the very last thing I want to do is cook.  Lots of time and effort for temporary gain, plus the production of more dishes to wash, are the major cons against cooking.  However, I was at the local shops yesterday and noticed vine-ripened tomatoes for $10 a box.  I immediately starting thinking of buying a box to make some napolitana sauce. 

I’ve been looking around for a good recipe, and this one seems to tick all the boxes.  As I read through it, though, I noticed a reference to pomarola sauce, which seems like a richer version of the same thing.  So I’ve decided I’ll give the pomarola recipe a go.  Of course, I’ll write up a review of it if/when I do make it.

I also did the right thing and tried to give my mother a call.  She has left two incredibly nasty messages on our home answering machine, stating that she ‘knew’ I was home and that I was deliberately ignoring her.  After getting the first message a few days back, I wasn’t inclined to call her back, so I didn’t.  Yesterday we received a similar message, in the same vein.  I tried to call her this morning but she was (fortunately) out.  I think she needs to be told that honey attracts more flies than vinegar – not that I’m a fly, but you know what I mean. 

It’s a funny thing.  I’ve always wished that mum and I got along well, but we never have.  While it’s gotten better than when I was a teenager (when I left home, to escape her), it’s kind of got to a point where she’ll be fine, and I get excited thinking she’ll always be relatively easy to deal with; then I get these really unpleasant voicemail messages from her.  If I’m really unlucky, I will actually be home and receive her call, in which case I have to emotionally defend myself for up to an hour from her vitriol.  It makes SO furious that she is so unpleasant to me.  We’ve had heated discussions about it.  Ultimately, though, she is my mother, and when you’ve lost one parent, it makes you realise that you do love them, despite their faults.  I just wish her faults weren’t so detrimental to my mental health.

It was my dad’s birthday yesterday.   Since he died, my mum, my brother and I have always met for lunch.  It’s been nice, not solemn or miserable, and it’s been a good way to remember my dad.  Well, mum didn’t arrange anything this year; and she didn’t call, email or text me, or presumably my brother either.  It makes me sad.  I know she has J now, but she was still married to my dad for over thirty years, and had two kids with him. 

I guess the thing is that while a husband can be replaced, a father can’t.  I miss him so much, and I can’t help thinking that it’s just not fair.  I wish he were still here.

I’m sad tonight.  My mum had to put down one of her dogs on Wednesday.  He was the older of the two, and sure, he was on his way out; but it’s always heartbreaking to lose a pet, even one that has a skin condition that makes him stink and need steroids to stop him going crazy with itching.  It was good in a way, when we were at Mum’s the other day for SO’s birthday, I made a big fuss of him and spent a lot of time just patting his old head.  SO noticed it and even commented on the way home.  I’m glad I did, as I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye before he was euthanased.

At least it was a peaceful death for him.  He wasn’t in pain, and he just went to sleep looking at the one he loved more than anything else – my Mum.  As far as animal deaths go, that’s as good as it gets.  In fact, it’s probably the best humans can ask for too.

Bye bye Marty.  We love you, and we’ll miss you.